that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
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I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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