I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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