What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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