I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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