so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
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Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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