I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize