he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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