I wish I only lived at night.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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