the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My feet surprised me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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