I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
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There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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