yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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