walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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