Will you blow on my dice?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize