I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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