Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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