Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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