How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize