I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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