I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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