How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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