He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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