ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
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It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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