Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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