She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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