My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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