I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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