Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I touched a dick in church today
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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