on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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