my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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