She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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