Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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