Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
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See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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