I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
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She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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