Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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