he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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