he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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