Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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