There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize