i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize