I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
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I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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