So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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