Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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