its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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