First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize