Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize