The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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