I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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