she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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