you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
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I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize