Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
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going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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