I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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